Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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