I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
