when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
