Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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