i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
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I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
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Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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