i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
