all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
this hospital has no fireball
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
