so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
