I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
