he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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