I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
