I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
