I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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