This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
