oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
