Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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