you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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