Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
