So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
