I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
