Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
