You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
