the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
