Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
