I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
