No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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