i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
