Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
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My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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