ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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