I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
