I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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