can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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