I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
