When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
