we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i came on her dog
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
