OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
