There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
