Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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