Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
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he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
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We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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