Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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