my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
