Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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