I am spending my child support on dildos
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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