The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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