I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
