whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
