Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
