This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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