just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
