I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
