omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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