i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
