So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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