I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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