The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
