Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
