I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm jealous of your bromance
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
this hospital has no fireball
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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