I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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