yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
