either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
