is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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