i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
