The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
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I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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