i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
