but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
