Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
